I seem to do the starting over thing a lot, which I guess is just the nature of having a serious bipolar disorder. The good news is that I'm down to one medication, Celexa, on which I seem to be stabilized. I'm beginning to care about things again, things people take for granted, things I used to care about - not the least of which is my jewelry designing and creating! After years of truly not seeing the point, my interest has been rejeuvenated and I'm working again. I've graduated from weekly therapy sessions and the possibility of being hospitalized to taking care of myself, leaving the house for things other than doctor appointments, and maintaining a kind of schedule. I walk, exercise, eat meals again, see family every once in a while, have goals, and finally have a creative outlet about which I care and for which I can actually summon the motivation and discipline.
I've learned from my disorder that change is one of the only true constants, and therefore I'd better just embrace it, work with it and be grateful for the good times. Right now, things are better for me than they have been in many years, and I am absolutely grateful. I am still having trouble socializing, and I'm quite slow to accomplish things, but my brain is working again and I do get things done. I also smile sometimes now, which I honestly thought I would never do again.
As I sit here, I have my two baby rats asleep on my lap, a cup of coffee in front of me, an order to ship, and some jewelry supplies on their way. Life is good. With a touch of luck and some head-work, I'll be posting again about my current design ideas and whatever else comes to mind.